Hengameh’s Weblog

Yesterday was Friday and as you know this day is holiday in our country.
People in my country are fasting and government forbids any eating or drinking in Ramezan month in public places.
This month is not Persian month. This is Arabian, but Muslim people in my country are fasting because this is a task in the Islam religion that people must fast in this month.
Any way in my opinion, in this condition you can’t go out to have a fun. Do you know a fun without eating or drinking?
The night before yesterday I had a bad dream. I was distressed; I took a shower and tried to organize my stuffs to don’t think about my dream.
After that I wanted to watch my favorite soup opera, “Friends”.
Unfortunately I had just 2 episodes of “Friends” series in season 9. I watched those.
I had a lunch.
After that I decided to chat. I started chatting.
It was amazing. For the first time I chatted with an American person. I could speak with him through the microphone.
At the first I felt shy and miserable but he encouraged me to on the microphone; he told me that my English was not bad.
I really became happy. The chat was very short but when it finished I was surprised and I was jumping in my home happily.
I was jumping on the bed, on the sofa.
It was funny I was dancing without music.
I was jumping and laughing and repeat his sentences and my answers.
Wow. I could understand him completely and answer him rapidly. 
After that I decided to watch a film. “Every one says I love you” was the title of the film. Woody Allen is the writer and director of this film.
I like him and his ideas and of course his films.
I believe that he can describe philosophy subjects in our society through his films with special way such as funny and comedian ways.
However; this was my holiday.
What do you think about it? How do you spend your time in a day like mine?

These photos are full of memories for me.

I know these are just amateur photos for you.

All couples in Istanbul were very kind together and really enjoyed their time.

even single people.

you can see it.

I really had good time in Istanbul and I think it will never repeat again.

This is one picture from that place.

I never forget beaches,sunsets, weather and  smell of those days.

This is ridiculous. I have had a bad cold because I cut a relation with a friend.

Every time when I cut a relation I have a bad cold .

God bless me.

“All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others.”
I don’t know whether you have read “Animal Farm” story or not.
I read this book about 5 years ago, but it was in Farsi edition.
Since yesterday I started to read English edition. :)
I think the English edition is very difficult for me but I am trying to read.
This book is one of my favorite books.
If you haven’t read this I suggest reading.
To be honest with you at the first time when I read this book I became depressed; because I was thinking that we are living like them and our society is like their society and this book is saying about us and we know it and can’t do any thing for release ourselves.
But this is life, this is our world. Unfortunately, in all societies we can see many people who are more equal than others.
It’s a fact.

I don’t feel good. I don’t know why but I think I need a journey.
About 1 month ago I went to Istanbul for about 8 days.
It was one of best trips that I have ever had, but nowadays I am really weary, tired and I think I really need to go out of Tehran. To go a quiet place, real nature, good weather, etc to forget every thing.
I think I should go. But this is disaster. Gas in my country is rated.
I can’t see the point of this matter and I think many people in my country can’t see.
But I should think about my journey without worries about gas ration or some problems like my job, my left vacation days, my salary, my boss’s except…
I should go.

Last evening one of my friends (S) called me and asked me to go shopping with S’s sister and herself.
I really didn’t like to go with S. because S’s sister is very snobby and S always changes all the plans of a group. S always likes to do every thing that likes to do.
I really don’t like people who don’t care about a group.
I said “NO” directly.
Obviously! Clearly!
When I wanted to say “NO” I was feeling that my voice was changed and couldn’t say “NO”, but I did.
After that I felt well and relaxed. I felt that I have power to be myself and enjoy my time.
I watched 10 episodes of “Friends” series until midnight and I was happy all the night because I was not devotee.

Yesterday I took the IELTS exam. If I was not stressful off course I could pass the exam perfectly because the exam was not difficult I think.
Yesterday I was very nervous and dejected about my exam and my future.
I called one of my friends; (we can assume the name of my friend is “X”.)
X said me that “Dear Hengameh don’t worry; we can see each other and speak together about this problem.”
I really felt happy because I was feeling alone without any person who can help me to be calm.
When I saw X, it was very ridiculous. About 2 minutes we spoke about my problem and after that X started to speak about itself. It was awful. All the time!
When I started to speak with one of my friends via the cell phone about my exam X was jealous.
I don’t know why I was foolish and believed that X could calm me and encourage me about my next exam.
I was about 4 hours with X. But all the time X was speaking about nothing just itself.
Awful!
Terrible!
When I came back home I was more nervous than 5 hours before.
Then I turned all the lights at my home off and turned some candles on and started to hear some music and cry and cry for 3 hours.
I am really unhappy.
Because of my exam, future, friends, life, lonely, lack of calm and all things like this.
I know all of these are MY responsibility. But how can I handle these?

About 2 weeks ago I was in a hospital with one of my friends.
The doctor visited my friend’s foot and sent us to Radiography section.
We came back but doctor was not at his room.
It was about 11 p.m and I really liked to go my home and sleep, I was tired.
I went to reception section and told the secretary that we were waiting about a half hour and the doctor had not at his room.
She smiled and said:”Don’t hurry honey, the doctor is drinking tea. He will come soon.”
God! Drink tea for 45 minutes.
I was at his room and decided to an amusing action. Wow! I saw some papers on his desk.
Those papers were sick leave papers. I lift them up and inserted them in my bag.
I was happy; because if I don’t want to go my office it would be enough to fill the paper and seal it with a printer.
Many Thursdays I don’t like to go my office then I visit some doctors and tell them that I hate my job and they laugh and give me a sick paper.
Yesterday I decided to use those papers but I couldn’t.
It’s unfair; I am at my office now until 2 p.m.

I don’t like this place. I don’t mean Iran and cities. I mean many people in my country.
This is about most people who are living in my country, who are working without any responsibility, without any rule, without any morals.
I don’t know what they are doing? How they are thinking?
All the things that they are doing are just for themselves.
They are selfish people and do every thing for themselves and their benefits.
I don’t speak about offices, employees, employers or our political men.
I just talk about people whom we think are our friends.
When they need you they don’t care your situation, your feelings, your time, your working time, your free time even your disasters.
They just think about themselves and their problems. They want you to solve their problems. They want you to hear all their problems and help them.
They want you to accompany them for all their problems.
If you are at your office they waste your time on telephone and don’t care about your situation.
If you are tired and want to go your home they want you to go and meet them.
If you don’t want to don’t take your cell phone they want to speak with them about 1 hour continually.
If you don’t want to call them or think about them you ask you to call, send email, send S.M.S.
They don’t care what your feeling is or even you want to hear them or not.
They want you just in their disasters, troubles and unhappiness.
I think this awful; you are their counselor, their real friend, their mother, their sister and they don’t know what you are doing and don’t think about that ever.
They even don’t thank you. When you call them and they are just with some of their friends they don’t answer you and if take their cell phone they don’t speak normally with you, because they are busy of course.
I really am unhappy, because one of my friends broke my heart 2 days ago.
I believe that I never forget this and I never forgive …